Throwing the "J" cup and the "F" Bomb!

Ok. I realize that what I'm posting may shock some of you and may even be a little controversial, but I'm dedicating this blog to all those mothers that have "lost it" in front of their children and have been made to feel like they are an abnormal, temperamental and/ or a failure at there God given destiny of motherhood. Here's me being real to real mothers.

The story goes:
My son Justice and I staying home from school and work due to neither one of us not feeling well. It had been a rough couple of months, as far as health had been concerned, for me. I had been tired, ill, and just simply ready to feel better. Justice had strep throat and I had pneumonia. Our day had started together making a warm breakfast and watching Toy Story. I gave him a cup I bought for him when Canaan and Haniyah were born. Which had his initial "J" on it, and could store a little snack in the bottom. He loved it and stuff marshmallows in it. We had played, laughed and napped together. Our day couldn't have been any better if we were feeling well.
Zach got home with Canaan and Haniyah and all was still well. It came time to go to bed and at this point all emotions are up in the air. There is no telling what will happen in a split second when putting on P.J.'s. As I'm walking on egg shells with all my children I'm soaking in the success in tucking them all in their own bed.
As I'm tip toeing to my soft, warm bed, I hear a cry out, "I want milk in my "J" cup! (Side note: The "J" cup leaks!) As I'm trying to explain to him why we can't put milk in the "J"cup he seemed to have understood. Again, I'm on my way to my bed which is looking even more inviting because I almost got caught in a battle.
 "BANG!" Is what I heard behind me. The "J" cup was thrown into the floor by a sick and angry toddler. Water was everywhere and the top of the cup laying beside the bottom. I slowly pick up the cup, I'm Ok, I patiently put the cup together and start to talk to Justice and then I hear two more children instantaneously cry out and I quickly become overwhelmed with the thought of "I can't do this". I'm feeling tired, sick and incompetent to deal with three screaming children. I then burst into a panic moment and in a split second I throw the "J" cup and also throw out "F***!" Yes! I did! I said, "THE WORD" in front of my children. It's then I hear Zach coming down the hall. My thoughts were, "Where in the H*** have you been?"  (He was justly busy preparing milk for one of our other children). It was then Justice starts laughing and said, "Thank you mommy. You have just made me understand how much pressure your under trying to please three toddlers at bed time." NO! I'm sorry I lied. He starts screaming and yelling, "MOMMY BROKE MY "J" CUP! DADDY, DADDY, DADDY! MOMMY BROKE MY "J" CUP!"
It was then I realized that simple act of frustration and anger just ruined the whole day. He will not remember the great day that we had but he will remember that mommy broke, "...my J cup." I then apologize and start to try to explain to him that I'm not mad at him, but mommy got caught up feeling...I stopped, because he didn't care any more what mommy thought or why mommy threw his cup, he just knew he wanted daddy.
As I start picking up the pieces daddy comes in and saves the day. He is able to explain anything to a 4yr old to where they understand. So. I apologized again and tuck the kids. Zach and I converse after the fact, and he simply laughs at me and my flaws. We came to the conclusion our children didn't hear the "F" bomb due to the cup being thrown out the door, through the sound of it shattering against the hall wall and the shock of mommy's burst of bi-polar-ism.
I looked for three days for that cup that I bought 3 years ago and found it at the store that I bought it at and it was the last "J" cup left. I bring it home and explain to Justice I found it and there being no more left. He said, "Mommy I think it needs to go in the cabinet, I don't want it broke."
I never recommend cursing in front of your children and I don't make it apart of my life, but I wanted to share my story to encourage you that even though your children may not forget, they will forgive and you, you are a wonderful mother. You may lose it every so often , but God he gave you your children because he knew you can be the best mommy for them.
You can later laugh at your mishaps just as we do every time we open Justice's door and feel the large dent in the knob that was obviously hit by the infamous "J" cup.
YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER! And you know what? So am I. I love my children so very much and they know it. You can do it! And so can I!  HAPPY MOTHERING!